


Our Secret (ENG)

by Izuspp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Translation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 19:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11168565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izuspp/pseuds/Izuspp
Summary: By leaving Erwin's corpse in that house, Levi thought he would leave to never return, but he was very wrong. An unreasonable idea hovered over his head and would not leave him in peace until he materialize it.One shot for EruRi of the month event of tumblr.





	Our Secret (ENG)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the translation of my original one shot on Spanish which you can find on my profile if you can read that language.  
> So I wanted to do a written entry for this month in addition to my drawing. I based this fic on a headcanon idea that I had a couple of days ago.  
> Please apologize my bad English, I hope is clear enough to understand the story.

**Our Secret**

It had been some time since the tragedy occurred. Levi had made a cruel decision out of love, choosing freed from the hell of their world, the most important person in his life: Erwin Smith, thirteenth commander of the Survey Corps. The man who had been termed as a monster and as a murderer, as a demon. Levi had decided to release him from these names and, at the expense of the future of mankind and his own happiness, he preferred to give him the peace he deserved, the eternal rest.

In the ruins of a strange house, on the bed of someone unknown, the humanity strongest man, decided that it would be the holy grave of his superior. He arranged everything in the best way he could, cleaned the place as much as possible and carefully deposited the wounded and maltreated body of the person whom he had loved most in all his existence. He thought that once he had left the place, he would never return. He thought that the body would turn into dust before someone entered that place again.

But he was very wrong ...

From the moment he left that house, for a long time an idea tormented him day and night: Erwin was there alone. He had turned his back on him, abandoned him in a filthy place that was not worthy to shelter the corpse of the commander. Levi was very upset to know that the body of the most special person for him, was rotting in that dirty house, that the debris could fall on his body and bury him. What kind of burial was that? Under the remains of a smelly hut. The man who had sacrificed himself for the sake of humanity, did not deserve that.

So, after having been tortured for weeks with that idea, he decided to return. Without saying a word to any of his companions, he took his horse, his maneuvering gear and ventured again into that territory, to reach the place of Erwin's tomb, before it was too late to materialize the idea that had been hovering in his head from days ago. A crazy idea perhaps, but not so much as the little judgment he would have left, if he did not carry it out immediately.

The closer he got, his heartbeat intensified, his anxiety seized his body, and a desperation he could not bear was upon him. He came to that house once more, realizing that everything was as depressing as the last time he was there, just a little dirtier. Leisurely he entered the room where Erwin's corpse lay or what was left of it. Levi hesitated only for a few seconds, slowly opened the door, no matter what he was going to find there, he had mentally prepared for it or at least, that was what he thought. He entered the room with equal slowness, his gaze sweeping over the place to rest on the bed where the ragged, dirty uniform of the survey corps harbored the bones of what had once been the valiant commander.

Levi approached, gathering all the courage he had. His gaze swept over the sad figure that lay there. He felt a pain as if a dagger had pierced his chest at that scene, which had once been a burly body, capable of fighting fiercely against the titans, was nothing but dusty bones buried beneath the insect-eaten clothes. The strong arm that once led the troops, were nothing more than dry remains, watered on that uniform.

 

The captain felt as if a part of himself was torn apart with each passing second watching that dismal scene. What had become of the solemn commander? His presence used to impose respect, his voice resonated strongly and made himself heard, his aura emanated bravery and fierceness. Just to see him, to listen to one of his speeches, was enough to feel the strong desire to follow him to the very hell, if it was required. There was nothing left of that spirit, Erwin had vanished.

The man looked away, trying to delay the inevitable moment, since he was not so sure of what he would see next. A hitherto unknown tremor took hold of his hands, Levi had never felt a fear of that kind, all his preparation had not served him too much at that moment. The pain that was besetting him was only increasing, and the courage he had gathered diminished. Finally, he shook his trembling hand over the cloak to remove it carefully, as if afraid that the remains would evaporate if he made very sudden movements.

Once he had withdrawn completely, he dared to observe. What once was the face of hope, the one that before, full of expressions and emotions represented freedom, had become a skull devoid of its flesh. There was no longer a trace of those sharp cheekbones, or his strong chin, his characteristic nose had disappeared. In the place where their enigmatic eyes once stood, which were capable of bringing confidence to the most scared soldier, there were now a pair of dark basins, probably home to the worms. The golden hair that gleamed like gold and kept all neatly combed, had detached itself and some opaque remains were still scattered around. And the soft lips, of which Levi heard both wise words and sweet compliments, had become food for insects. The only thing in that skull that proved to be Erwin was the perfect set of teeth, which Levi had seen on several occasions when he smiled at him.

Levi felt a strong burning in his throat, deep inside, he still retained the irrational hope that he would arrive and find him exactly as when he had left. That his body would remain intact, as if he were only enjoying a well-deserved dream. Considering him an exceptional, superior, almost divine human being, he had the illusion that his body would not be a victim of the nature. But at that moment, he had to accept the heartbreaking reality. Erwin was gone, there was almost nothing left of him in this world, except for that depressing pile of bones. Even so, Levi decided to go ahead with his task.

Carefully and with respect, the man took the skull, separating it from the body. Using a handkerchief, he cleaned it a little to remove the dust and insects and proceeded to wrap it in a piece of cloth that he carried with him. Levi could not bear to be in that place any longer, to observe what little remained of the man he loved, was a martyrdom to him. Since he already had what he had come to look for, he decided that he should leave the site once more. But before he left, he placed his fingertips gently on the bones that made up the only hand left of Erwin, but as soon as he had made contact, they disarmed and some parts became almost dust. With a bitter expression on his face, Levi left the house and this time he was certain he would never return.

The man rode back to the headquarters of the survey corps, where he had his own room. Secretly, he had been finding out a bit about how he could keep a skull. He went into his room and proceeded as he learned, there was no time to lose. First, Levi carefully cleaned the skull, did not leave a single speck of dust inside or outside, he washed it several times. Fortunately for him, the insects had removed all the flesh and skin long ago, so he did not have to care of that part, which would have been quite tortuous for him. After that, he took care of whitening a little with some substance that he had managed to get clandestinely, he did not understand very well about it, but he did not care. The result had been satisfactory, and now those bones looked pale and clean.

 

Making use of his own resources, Levi managed to get crafted a crystal box, with the exact dimensions to store the skull, he had everything planned for days. So, when he finished cleaning, he placed it with love in his new shelter, where he would be safe from dust and dirt. The man allowed himself to smile with satisfaction when he saw his finished work. Even if it was that twisted way, he had recovered Erwin and what he left behind in the world would be lovingly preserved and cared for.

Sometimes he wondered if he was actually getting crazy. Losing Erwin had been the strongest blow he had ever had, and even more knowing that he had been the one who had decided to let him die. But thinking with a clear mind, he preferred his remains sheltered in that box, knowing that he no longer suffered, that he was no longer the demon that everyone thought, that he no longer had on his shoulders the burden of protecting humanity; to have saved him and to know that in any case he had only a few years left to live and that even if they won that war, he was not even going to have much time to enjoy it.

The decision he had made had been the hardest proof of love, but he never regretted it. Erwin had taught him a long time ago, not to retract the choices he made, and deep down he knew that it was the best for him. Levi could not care less about the future of mankind, if he could give Erwin the peace he deserved.

While Levi carried out the whole cleaning process, he remembered the good times that he spent with the commander. At that moment of his life, it seemed a little ironic knowing that everything had begun with him trying to assassinate Erwin, at that time he did not imagine that the man he hated so deeply, was going to become the most precious person in his life. What after hatred turned into admiration, eventually matured into true love, one that Levi had never felt before.

Due to the situation in which they subsisted, to the horrible world in which they were forced to live, the moments together were never prolonged. But the men managed to make time between their duties to enjoy each other's company whenever they could. Whether Levi sat in front of Erwin's desk while he checked the paperwork, it was not necessary for them to talk, just to be there in silence, accompanied by each other was enough. Taking their food together in the dining room from time to time, sharing a cup of tea while looking out the window, walking the training ground while talking about strategies; were the moments of love that could be given.

The kisses were not common between the two of them, nor were they prolonged, but they were sweet and passionate. There were few times in which they could share them, since most of the time they were accompanied by someone else or fulfilling their duties. There were long periods in which they could not even see each other, and although anyone who saw them from the outside, could say that Levi was Erwin’ shadow, as he followed him everywhere, that did not mean that they had much intimacy.

But deep inside, they both knew they did not need any of that. It was not necessary many encounters in bed or long sessions of kissing, to understand how much one loved the other. His feelings went further, demonstrated with gestures of true value. Such as Erwin managing to get black tea for his subordinate, despite the limited resources. Or like Levi giving him words of encouragement, which were not common in him. Or the giving of tender smiles, expressions that were kept only from one to the other. Anyone who knew Levi knew that he never smiled, but Erwin had witnessed his smiling face many more times than anyone would ever.

Levi's unconditional support was all the proof of love that Erwin needed and the full confidence in his judgment and abilities, was all Levi needed to know that his commander loved him. The strong and unshakable bond between them was not necessary to be proved by a union of bodies, or cheesy words. However, while removing the dirt from that skull, Levi wished he had told the commander that he loved him directly, many more times.

"I love you…" he said softly, as he watched the white skull guarded in its glass enclosure.

* * *

 

The dark-haired man kept it as a secret, one that gave him the peace and happiness he had not experienced for a long time. From time to time he went out to the meadow, looking for some flowers. Depending on the mood he was in, it was the color he chose. If he felt a little more joyful, he cut them yellow or orange, reminded him of the warmth that extended from his chest, all over his body while being with Erwin. When he felt a bit more discouraged, he chose blue or violet ones, reminding his commander sadly, but still wishing to present to his remains, a nice gift.

At other times, when he managed to get the tea he liked most, he took everything he needed to his room and talked to the skull, while pouring the hot water into the cups. Sometimes he told him about his day, or how much it had cost him to get that drink. When he felt a little more lost, he shared his concerns. He sat in front of the glass box, took the skull and placed it on top of it, placed a cup of tea in front of him and another in his hands. And looking directly at the desolate holes where the blue eyes once gleamed, he unloaded his worries, pausing to wait for an answer that would never come, asking for opinions or advice that would never be pronounced. Although Levi did not need it to find peace.

“There are not many news lately Erwin, apparently we can enjoy some days of peace or at least I hope so.”

The silence was the only one that answered him.

“But we cannot rest. We need to develop a new strategy, I'm sure they will come back, they will not give up so easily. They are just recovering.”  He stated seriously, then drink from his cup. Once more he looked directly at the empty basins.

“What do you think would be more convenient?” He paused, still staring at him.

“It is something that we must decide for ourselves. It is not?” A melancholy smile was sketched on his face. “Erwin, don’t let the tea cool down, it is quite expensive. You know that, right?”

The answers never came, in the room only the sound of his own voice echoed slightly, but even so Levi found refuge and comfort in that absurd action.

From time to time, he liked to clean the skull too. He carefully took it and, using a handkerchief, began to remove the nonexistent dust and dirt. He took his time to go over every inch of bone and not a single piece left that was not rubbed. Levi liked to take him in his arms and caress him with his fingertips. His memory had etched the texture of Erwin's skin and could evoke that memory as he ran his fingers over the bone. He could well imagine how the vitality and flesh returned to the inert face and the soft cheeks beneath his fingers, colored with a pale pink hue, highlighting the cerulean tone of fierce eyes.

As he traced the hard surface with the palm of his hand, Levi could imagine his fingers tangled in that blond hair. He imagined himself caressing his head, full of golden and silky hair, while sweet words came out of his mouth that comforted him. He remembered the sound of his voice, the words of encouragement, confidence, compliments, even commandments, and in so doing, he could smile again.

Levi also liked to kiss him. From time to time he carried the skull to reach his lips and pressed them against him. Where ever soft and sweet lips were, there were only hard teeth now. But he did not care, the man could evoke the memory of the commander's tender kisses, his feverish mouth and he could relive those moments. He kissed him tenderly, sometimes in despair, at other times with passion. For all the times he had not done it in life, for all the occasions he had wanted to do it and did not have the opportunity. Levi closed his eyes and kissed him repeatedly, until he felt satisfied, until he felt recovered, until the emptiness that gnawed him from time to time, filled up.

The humanity strongest man, continued being the support and hope of many. The people, the soldiers and the nobles trusted in his strength to defend the people from the walls, of the attacks from outside and the titans. And Levi fulfilled his work day by day, offered his strength and his spirit, but his heart remained locked in that crystal box hidden in his room.

Levi carried out his duties daily, remained cold, expressionless and strong as ever. And no one would ever have imagined that he needed anything or anyone to stay that way. No one could ever suspect that all that man's strength still came from his commander.

Every day, if he had the chance, Levi returned to his chambers and soften his expression, heading for the skull on his crystal tomb.

“This will remain our secret. Erwin, we'll always be together.”

The End             

 

**Author's Note:**

> Whether you liked it or not, I'd like to hear your opinions :D


End file.
